So this week was nice in the sense that it was more about family and actual family things and not high drama. Let’s change things up a bit this week and summarize the storylines. Last week’s horror show of wonders left me a with little motion sickness I’m still recovering from.
Let’s begin with the easy ones. Albie and Lunkhead. Lunkhead Ashley got charged for yanking Danielle’s weave, and had to answer a court summons in her best sack-hat. Smirking all the live long day, this is still some colossal joke to her it seems. Sigh. How many of you want to bet she’d be the one on death row who’s last words were, “What-ever. This is sooo lame.” Yep. She’d be more concerned with the Electric Chair setting her beloved sack hat on fire, and not at all concerned that she was going to be executed. Lunkhead.
And Jacqueline does send the mixed signals. You can’t laugh and be cool with some of the behavior, then get all hard azzed about other parts of the behavior, when your egging it on causes it to escalate. Pick a side girlfriend! Mom or buddy? But seriously, this girl needs to be sent to college in Nebraska or something. A bunch of corn fed girls showing her the pecking order in a dorm is what she really needs. Not to play step-gangster all day.
Looks like Albie is going to spend his summer at the Po-Po Academy and become a Cop With a Badge. Get it? Ha! I kill me. Actually, I think being a cop is a better fit for him anyway. He just has that cop personality about him. So good for Albie, maybe this is his way of falling on the Caroline grenade and not have to go back to lawz schoolz.
And can I just say, I adore the Manzo kids? I would so totally watch them for an hour versus most of the drivvel on Bravo now.
Ok the easy ones are outta the way, let’s step in a big pile of awful. Beginning with Danielle.
So Danielle is throwing Helpless a sweet 16 party. Just a small little get together for oh…350 people. Danielle is throwing the party of the year for Helpless, and doesn’t Helpless look like she’d rather eat her own hair in a closet full of spiders than attend this thing? That poor girl has such an “over it” quiet rage about her, it gives me a bad feeling. Especially when she’s eating the Bulimic Special of tiny marshmallows and spray can frosting. Anybody else notice that? Yikes. I’m screaming at the TV, “SHUT UP about the stupid party and witness the eating disorder before your very eyes woman!”
And since nothing can just be about Helpless, she has to share the spotlight with her little sis Punky Brewster. Punky has been a song writer for 3 years, which would put her at 8 years old. All 8 year olds are songwriters. My daughter just wrote a song yesterday called, ‘I love flowers’. But anyway, because we need a reinactment of Gypsy once a week, Danielle’s gonna make her a star! Sing it, Rose!
Then we have to address Daddy and the new Mrs. Daddy. And I think the whole uncomfortableness of the situation by Helpless is that she must feel some kind of twisted loyalty to her mother and has to act like she hates the guy to keep Mommy Dearest from boarding the crazy train to Screwballsville. Just a theory. Not that the train doesn’t leave the station every 15 minutes or anything…
So Daddy is coming. Yay. And because Danielle can’t pass up an opportunity to be completely spastic, passive aggressive, she brings out the giant 7 carat engagement ring he gave her, and will wear it to Helpless’ party.